Baby Clary

Brendan and I are so excited to announce that we are having a baby!!! Our baby is due February 6, 2016 and we can't wait to be parents!!

Pretty much since we got married I was baby hungry, but we as a couple weren't ready. Then in July of 2014 we both started feeling like it just might be the right time. We fasted and prayed about our decision and both felt a confirming answer: it was time for us to become parents. And with that we started trying. We were trying for about 9 months and each month was so hard to get that negative answer. I know so many women who have gone years and years without getting pregnant so I know 9 months really isn't that long in comparison, but it was still hard. Luckily I had an amazing support system made up of my husband, mom, and of course my Savior. We didn't tell anyone else because we wanted it to be a surprise.

In April, we were listening to General Conference and there was a lot of emphasis on family. That was so hard for me, but at the same time I'm happy that these things are being said because they are the very reasons I want so badly to have a child. Brendan came home from priesthood session and told me that he had a very strong impression that we should tell our families what was going on. We felt that there is power in combined prayers and faith. We also felt that the people closest to us should be a part of such a great miracle. There were lots of tears and hugs and words of comfort from both sides. Each time we saw our family after that there were lots more hugs and we felt so loved during this time. That month was another negative result, but I wasn't distressed like I normally got. I felt the power of the faith and prayers in my behalf. I am so grateful for our families and the love and strength we received from them.

Then finally in May it happened! I didn't know until May 31 so I still had to go through a Mother's Day thinking that I might not ever be a mother. That was hard, but again our families reached out with love and made it a little bit easier. Brendan's cute nieces kept telling me that I was still a mom because my babies were in heaven just waiting to come down. And my cute sister in law told me that I am like a second mom to her 2 girls.

Like I said, I found out on May 31 that I was pregnant. It was a Sunday and I was just laying in bed so nervous to take the test. Brendan was up and getting ready because he had to go to a meeting. He saw that I was upset about something so he asked what was wrong. I told him that I could take the test. He asked if I was going to take it before church or not because he didn't want me to be upset at church if it was negative again. I told him that I couldn't wait that long so I would take it before. He kissed me and left. I took the test and tried to stay calm. There were 2 pink lines!!! I was pregnant! I immediately started crying my eyes out and dropped to my knees to give thanks to my Father in Heaven. I met Brendan at the church in the chapel. He knew as soon as he saw my face what the answer was. He just kept saying "really?" and I could tell that he was a little emotional about it. We both sat through church the happiest people in the world!

We face timed with my parents as soon as we got back because they were going on a trip and I had to tell my mom immediately! Then we had to figure out how to tell Brendan's family because we were going over there for Sunday dinner. We were celebrating Brendan's mom's birthday so we decided to write something in the card. Brendan came up with this little gem:

We sat all through dinner and cake eating without spilling the beans and it was totally worth it to get a priceless reaction. I'll post the video when I can get it to work.

We wanted to tell my family all together but they were being pains in the you know what and not getting together so we told them each individually. We face timed with my little sister and her husband. Then at Sunday dinner we told one of my brothers by attempting to stick a note onto their youngest that said "I'm not going to be the baby anymore" because he is the youngest grandchild. It didn't really stick... but they eventually found it and figured it out. And then we told my oldest brother by going to their house and just telling them.

Anyway I'm 13 weeks along and almost to my 2nd trimester. I have been super sick and I cannot wait for the morning sickness to be over. I don't throw up much but I feel like death all day long. And it just gets worse and worse as the day goes on. Oh well! This baby will be so worth it!! I have started showing a little bit which is super weird and kinda not so fun when I'm used to being skinny, but also way exciting!

We are so happy and excited and nervous and every other emotion you can think of, but most of all we are so grateful that Heavenly Father has trusted us with one of His precious children. I am especially grateful for the most caring and supportive husband in the entire world. This hasn't been easy on him either as he waits on me hand and foot. We can't wait until February!!!

Prayer

I have been thinking about prayer recently and I just wanted to put some of my thoughts down in words. I am so grateful for the gift we have been given of personal prayer. We have the opportunity to speak with our Heavenly Father whenever we want. God is all powerful, all knowing and He wants ME to talk with HIM. I should feel intimidated by that thought, but instead I feel peaceful and humbled. I feel an immense amount of gratitude. This shows me just how much Heavenly Father loves me and cares for me. I know that I am His daughter and He wants to hear from me.

I know that my prayers have been answered. Some of my prayers have been answered instantly and those instances are a lot easier to have faith in the power of prayer. However, most of my prayers have been answered over time and in ways that I didn't really understand when it happened. It is only through looking back on my life that I can see the blessings that have been poured out upon me because I have taken the leap of faith to pray. I know that Heavenly Father hears my prayers and that He loves me enough to answer them in the way that is best for me. 

What I Believe

A couple days ago I had an experience completely new to me. Many others have experienced this before, but I had not. My husband and I were out with the sister missionaries and we started talking to a woman who walked past us. This woman was anti-mormon. I have never met anyone who was anti-mormon before. I have met plenty of people who are not members of the church, some of my very best friends growing up are not members. That is just fine with me because we respect each other. Needless to say, my experience with someone who is anti-mormon shook me up quite a bit.

As we were talking to this woman, the missionaries and my husband were trying to explain our beliefs to the best of their ability. They had all been confronted with this before. I pretty much just stood there and said nothing. I didn't know what to say. I felt like in her eyes I was subhuman for the things that she thinks I believe in. I don't understand. And yes I did just say what she thinks I believe in because it was very obvious that she had a very twisted version of the truth. Anyway, I don't want to go into everything that was said or done that day. I will just say that the spirit was not there and I was so glad that the sister missionaries could feel that to and so they promptly ended the conversation. There was no joy or peace at that time. The comfort and gladness that comes from the Spirit of the Lord was gone and I wanted, no I needed it back.

Basically all day I was pretty upset by what had happened. I must be super sensitive. I talked and cried with my husband about it and he helped me to cope with what I had just been through. This might seem silly to some people, but once again I say that I have never been full on attacked or persecuted for what I believe. This was new to me. I have been teased or questioned about my beliefs and that is something I can handle. Persecution is harder.

Anyway, today I read a talk by Elder Neil L. Andersen entitled "Joseph Smith." It was given in this last session of general conference. More than just telling the story of Joseph Smith, he talks about how Joseph's name will be had for both good and evil. He talked about how people will persecute you for believing that Joseph Smith restored the gospel. He talked about how we can answer people who have sincere and honest questions. The whole talk was absolutely beautiful and absolutely what I needed to hear.

I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet a of God. I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Lord's church on earth today. I know that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet. Most of all I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior. My relationship with Him is the most precious and sacred part of my whole life. To those who have questions about what I believe in, do not look to the internet or those who have left the church. Ask those who believe. This is the only way to know what we know.

Anniversary and Stake Conference

This weekend we celebrated our first anniversary! I can't believe it has been a year already! And what a wonderful year it has been. I am so grateful for my husband and all that he does for me. I seriously have the sweetest husband in the entire world! He is always so willing to do whatever I ask of him. I am especially grateful for how close he is to the Spirit. It brings a great peace into our home.

To celebrate we went to Park City and spent Friday night up there just hanging out and having fun. We went to see Guardians of the Galaxy. We didn't like it. And we ate some pizza! Wahoo! Unfortunately we had to come back to real life early on Saturday. Boo homework! Oh well! It was a nice little get away!

This weekend was also Stake Conference. I really enjoyed the messages that were given and the spirit that was present. And something crazy happened. The visiting authority, Elder Bourne, wanted me to come up and bear my testimony. Scary! We had met him briefly at the Saturday evening session so that's how he knew me. Then Sunday right before the meeting started the Stake President told me that I was going to be invited up to bear my testimony. So luckily I had an hour to prepare myself. It was a really cool experience. I could tell that the Lord was with me because I wasn't terrified like I thought I would be. I was intimidated and nervous, but not scared.

Back to School

So this is something that I have wanted to write about for some time. It is extremely personal and I am going to share some things that most people, including my family don't know about me. I'm not writing this so that people feel bad for me. I'm writing this partly as therapy for me and mostly because I hope I can inspire others who are going through hard things.

I'm going to start by saying that I suffer from very severe depression. I also have really bad anxiety. I've struggled with this for as long as I can remember, but I tried to hide because I was embarrassed by it. I did a pretty good job managing it until college.

I honestly have no idea why college brought out the worst of my depression and anxiety. I absolutely LOVE to learn. I get so excited to learn, but for some reason I have the hardest time with school. I still have no idea why. The only thing I can think of is that if I can't do something perfectly then I just give up. That doesn't work so well with school work... Anyway for 4 years I really struggled with school. I only let those closest to me see my struggle. And it scared them. It scared me too. There were days that I could barely manage to get out of bed. I struggled with suicidal thoughts and anorexia. Luckily with the help of very dear friends and most of all my Savior, I overcame those. The depression and anxiety didn't leave though.

I basically gave up on school. I didn't want to be a quitter though so I took 2 years off. That was probably the best decision of my life. I was able to focus on getting better and on things that truly made me happy. I was teaching dance, making lots of friends, building my faith, and of course marrying my best friend in the entire world. Life was good again. Now I'm not going to lie and say that life was easy. Definitely not. I still have bouts of depression that put me in bed for a few days. And I still have anxiety attacks that worry my poor husband so bad that he thinks he needs to take me to the hospital because I stop breathing. No my struggle is not over, but it is manageable. I can actually live a normal life.

Now I am faced with a challenge that seems impossible to me. I am going back to school to finish up my last year. To say that I am terrified would be an understatement. I relate school with the darkest time in my entire life. It was my own personal version of hell. And now I'm going back. This decision did not come easily. The main reason I'm doing this is for my kids. I want to be an example to them. That is my motivation for going back. Luckily I have the best husband in the world. He is so supportive and will let me cry and panic about writing essays when I need to and he will celebrate with me when I write that essay. He doesn't make me feel stupid for having such a hard time with this. I am so blessed to have him in my life.

Today I have an audition for one of BYU's ballet companies. Today my journey officially begins. I am usually so good with auditions. They don't scare me at all. In fact I love them. I think they are so much fun. But not this one. I am petrified with fear. You see, I haven't danced for 2 years. For you non dancers, that is an eternity. And now I will be expected to dance at the same level as people who have not taken any break, plus they are like 6 years younger than me so their bodies aren't starting to shut down. I wish there was some way I could avoid this. I feel like I am going to be judged on something so personal to me. It is not just about my ability to dance. It is about my entire struggle. And if I get rejected, which let's face it is most likely, I will feel like I have been judged because of everything I have gone through. I know it's not true, but that's how it feels to me. I keep looking at the clock as the time draws closer and I am filled with dread. But I need to do this. I will do this.

The only reason I am able to go to the audition today and face the rigors of school that begin next week is because of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It is through His atonement that I am receiving strength beyond my own. I know that the Lord will strengthen me to bear up my burdens with ease. These burdens are not being taken away from me, they don't need to be. But I do not have to carry my load alone. I pray that the Lord will help me today and for the rest of this year as I do what He wants me to do. I echo the words of Elder David A. Bednar that he spoke in this last General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, "He can reach out, touch, succor, heal, and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do relying only upon our own power."

The things I have shared are extremely personal. Those of you reading this may not understand my struggle. School might have been so easy for you. But it's not for me. Don't judge me. You will have your own struggle. Please rely on the Lord. It is only through Him that we can be lifted up and given strength.

Faith in the Lord

My husband, Brendan, and I have been studying the Doctrine and Covenants together and have been impressed with how often the Lord commands us to put our trust in Him and not seek after things of this world. We have had many discussions about this idea and come to the conclusion that this is so hard and scary to do!! One of the most common thoughts in our discussions is if the Lord is saying this to the early saints who have next to nothing and to whom we look to as great examples of faith, how much more do we need this counsel in our day?!

It is a terrifying thought to think about not worrying about where our next paycheck is going to come from and just spend all our time and efforts in furthering the work of the Lord. Another common theme in our discussions is how do we find the balance of trying to be responsible and provide for our family and relying wholly on the Lord? Is there a balance that we need to find? I would love to hear other people's thoughts on this. For us, we don't have a lot in terms of temporal things, but we have more than enough to meet our needs. We truly want to do as the Lord has commanded and not worry about making a ton of money. So what if we don't have a tv or our kids won't have all the latest gadgets? We want to follow the Lord. Of course we still work and do all that we can to make sure we are being responsible, but we don't have that as our first priority.

This is so much easier said than done. I can't even begin to tell you how many panic attacks I've had at the grocery store because I hate spending money. I am constantly worried about finances. It has come to the point where I tell Brendan that if he needs something that I trust him and he just can't tell me how much it is costing us. I am sure that things will just get worse when we start our family. I pray that the Lord will strengthen me and see my willingness to try, even when I fail over and over. I want to have faith in my Lord, Jesus Christ. I know that he will bless us as we put His work and His glory before the things of this world.

Painting at the top is by my incredible husband, Brendan Clary. If you want a print check out brendanclaryart.com or just let me know!

Rantings of a Dance Teacher

Lately there have been somethings about my job that have just driven me absolutely crazy and I need to just rant about them for a little bit. Please keep in mind that I really do LOVE my job and I LOVE my students! They are all so cute and so sweet! But no job is perfect so here are my ramblings.

1. Students being late to class. When did this become acceptable?? And usually it's because they are changing their clothes. Have they never thought to wear their ballet clothes underneath their other dance clothes? I don't care that it's hot! I did it growing up so I know it really isn't that bad. Besides that, you are dancers, quick changes are a part of life! It does not take 10 minutes to change your clothes. It should take 2 minutes tops. Also, believe it or not, I am actually very lenient on letting you into class late. My policy is that if they are more than 15 minutes late, they don't dance. That is for THEIR safety. If they aren't properly warm, they are more likely to get injured. Yes I understand that sometimes they get out of school 15 minutes before class starts. That's why I am extremely lenient. My teacher wouldn't let you take class if you were 30 seconds late! I remember having to wear my ballet clothes underneath my school clothes with my hair in a bun so that I was ready to go. And my mom would have a snack for me in the car. It can be done people!! Good heavens, be on time! And don't be upset if you have to sit out of class. It is for your safety!!!!

2. Stretching. Oh dancers and their stretching. Basically I am the queen of stretching. It is my all time favorite thing to do in class. However, what I don't understand is why students feel the need to stretch in order to stretch... I seriously get this all the time. I'll say that it's time to stretch and they will say "I'm not stretched!" I just look at them and say "That's why we're stretching..." We stretch so that you can get stretched. You don't have to stretch in order to stretch. You need to be warm in order to stretch. Which leads me to my other grievance about stretching. PLEASE warm yourself up before you stretch!!!!! You are putting yourself in a very dangerous situation if you are not warm before you drop down into your splits. Also what I don't understand is how can you possibly not be warm after doing a full barre??? No joke. I was explaining to my students why we stretch after barre, because they need to be warm before they stretch. Then I told them to get into their stretch. I had a couple students say that they weren't warm. I could not believe it!! They just did a full barre! What were you doing for the last 45 minutes??? I just told them that meant that they didn't work hard enough. They didn't believe me... Which leads me to...

3. Don't argue with me! I am the teacher, you are the student. What happened to RESPECT???? I have literally had students telling me that I was wrong in class. Little 10 year olds! Mostly about the stretching thing. Maybe I should have them read the 10 page paper I wrote about the topic that several of my professors think I should publish. I promise I have done my research. However, I am not a proud person. I will admit if I don't know something and I will admit if I was wrong. But whatever the case may be, don't argue with your teacher. If you disagree or have a question, I am more than willing to discuss it with you after class.

4. Complaining. Why do students think that if they complain I'm not going to make them do it? If anything, that makes me want you do it even more. I have some classes that just have to tell me that everything hurts. I know. It's ballet. Ballet hurts. The best is when they say "Well then why don't you do it??" I just say "I have. For 20 years." Oh brother! Here's then thing. I really don't care that something hurts. I care if you have an injury. Please, please, please tell me before class if you have an injury!!! I do not want to injure you further. But please, please, please don't tell me that something hurts. I know it does. I do not need 20 of you telling me.

5. Tilts. There is nothing more disgusting in the entire world than what has happened to tilts. This is for the teachers. Can we please not teach tilts incorrectly??? This whole turned in leg, butt sticking out, crotch to the audience thing must go!! It screams bad technique all over the place!! A tilt is a battement in second with your body tilted over. Yes this is harder to do. Welcome to dance! Dance is hard! But I know from personal experience that students can do this! Sure they don't all look the same, but at least they are doing it right! I was teaching my students last night who have not been corrupted by other sources how to do tilts properly. It was so great!! Most of them this is their first year of dance so they don't look super great doing it yet, but at least they had proper technique. Turn out, butts in line, no crotch shots. It was beautiful!!

Ok. That's all my rantings for now. Like I said before, I promise that I LOVE my job and my students. I think that if I didn't love them them so much then I really wouldn't care about all these things. I want to help them become the best dancers and people possible. It is the most rewarding thing in the world when I see my students succeed in the classroom and when parents tell me that they can see their kids blossoming as people as well. Literally brings me to tears. I love my job. I love my students. I am so privileged to be able to work these young children everyday. They are absolutely incredible.

Thanksgiving

So I thought maybe I should write a little about Thanksgiving before Christmas comes around in 6 days!!! Especially because I'm not a fan of Thanksgiving getting neglected. I think that has to do with the fact that I love my family history and part of that includes the First Thanksgiving!

This was our first Thanksgiving as a married couple! We spent it with my family down in Mapleton. It was the first time that everybody had their significant other with them. YAY! We had so much fun playing, eating, and laughing together. Here are some of the highlights.

First, the boys and me and Munch went out to the park to play a little frisbee golf. Mom, Leesy, and Janice were inside cooking and supposedly watching the kids. Long story short, I got hit with a frisbee and so I went inside after a little while. As I was walking in the front door, I see Connor (4), Millie (3), and Carter (2) putting their shoes on. They told me that they were going to the ladybug park (a park on the other side of my parents neighborhood). I didn't think much of it until I realized they were heading out the door and my mom wasn't anywhere to be seen. I then had the following conversation with Connor:
Me: "Is Grandma taking you?"
Connor: "No, she's cooking."
Me: "Is mommy taking you?"
Connor: "No."
Me: "Does anybody know you're going?"
Connor: "No."
Me: "Maybe we should tell mommy where we're going."
I thought it was so funny that these cute little kids were going to go to the ladybug park all by themselves, even Carter, as Connor puts it. Glad I decided to go in when I did or else we would have had 3 lost little children. Little cuties!

Second, we played Rollick. This is like charades, but only one person guesses and everybody else on the team acts it out. It's so much fun! And so funny! I would have to say that the funniest moment was when Steve (my sister's fiancé) and I had to act out spaghetti. We were twirling our forks and Munch wasn't getting it. Then we both had the same idea at the same time: Lady and the Tramp! But of course we didn't want to act that out... We tried our best without getting very close to each other. Everybody except Munch knew what we were doing so everybody was laughing really hard.

Third, Carter went around eating everybody's left over pie. Which might not be too funny by itself, but just the way he was doing it was super funny. Here's some pictures to show just how cute he was eating the pie! I love that kid!

Well that was our Thanksgiving! I loved spending time with my family! They are the absolute best! Can't wait for Christmas so we can party all over again!

Jackson Hole Honeymoon

So basically our honeymoon was awesome!! We had so much fun! First of all we stayed in the Anniversary Inn in Salt Lake for 2 nights. We had the Romeo and Juliet room which was AMAZING!! It had a big balcony in the room that was where the bed was. It was just gorgeous! We didn't want to leave!

On Sunday we decided that we would drive until we found a church that was having 1:00 church. So we get in the car and start driving. How hard could it be to find a church in Utah, right? Well let me tell you, it was hard!!! We drove and drove and drove until we finally found one. But it was a singles ward and they didn't start until 1:45. So we get in our car and drive some more. Again we drove and drove and drove until we finally found a church. We walk in and it is once again a singles ward... Oh great... But it was already 1 so we decided just to go with it. So I'm sitting in Relief Society and I look over and guess who's sitting there! Our old Stake President! That's right, on our honeymoon we went to a singles ward in our old stake. At least it wasn't our old ward... But still! It was so funny!

Then we were off to Jackson, Wyoming! On the way up there we stopped in Rexburg so that Brendan could show me where he spent 4 years of his life. He showed me the art classrooms, where he used to live, and where he taught seminary. He really loves Rexburg and was so excited to show me everything.

Everywhere we drove, Brendan wanted to take pictures so that he could paint them later. It was so gorgeous so I don't blame him! It took us about 3 times as long to get anywhere but I really didn't mind at all! It was so much fun to look at the beautiful scenery, drive around, and especially to see Brendan get so excited! Every 5 minutes he would say "Oh Man," stop the car and start taking pictures. I'm not exaggerating either. Every 5 minutes, if that!! It was so cute! And so much fun!

Mostly we went to a lot of art galleries up there. Luckily, Brendan is studying with an incredible artist who is very well known up there so the owners were happy to talk to us and give us some advice. It was so nice of them to take time out of their day and talk to us! We know they wouldn't have if it weren't for Brother Whitaker. We are so grateful for the opportunities he is giving Brendan.

Probably my favorite thing was seeing the wildlife! We decided to go up to Teton village and take the tram. On the drive up there, Brendan of course had to stop and take pictures. I usually just sat in the car and looked around, but one time Brendan came running up and told me there was a deer and I had to come see it! So I ran across the road and down where the deer was. There was another guy down there who told us there were actually 2 deer. What??? Awesome!! So we tried to get as close as we could to them. Turns out there were actually 4 deer! 2 bucks, a doe, and a baby. I was a little nervous about the big one attacking us, so we were really careful. We eventually got within about 20 yards of them. That was as close as we dared to go. It was so cool!! Anyway, we then continued our drive. We were on this little dirt road and I was determined to find another animal. I wanted to see an elk or a moose or something like that, but what we found was even better!!! We're driving and we see a whole bunch of people stopped along the road. They were all looking at something. It was a black bear! I tried my best to take a picture as we drove by. It was so close to the road, I could have stuck my hand out and touched it! Well at that point I thought my life was complete. So I was happy and we kept on driving. Not 2 minutes down the road, we see more people stopped and looking at something. Another bear!! What are the chances of that?? So we stopped and tried to get a picture, but it was kind of hidden in the trees. So we keep on driving. About 5 minutes down the road we see some people stopped and looking something. This couldn't be another bear! That just doesn't happen! Oh but it does! The honeymoon gods wanted to bless us or something. 3 bears!!!!!!! That was so cool!!!! We didn't get any good pictures of them though because we were hurried along by the park rangers. Oh man, my life is pretty much complete now. :)

One sad thing that happened was that we were supposed to go on a hot air balloon ride, but they had to cancel it because of the weather. Sad! I was nervous about it, but it still would have been cool to do. Oh well, maybe another time.

On the way home we took the back country and it was just gorgeous! God must really love us to create such a beautiful world for us to live on. We went by Bear Lake and stopped to get raspberry milkshakes at La Beaus. MMMMM!!!!!! and then drove through Logan. I really didn't want to come home, but it was pretty much the perfect honeymoon! We had a blast!!

Wedding Day

It's been over a month since we got married, so I thought it might be time to blog about it a little bit. The day before I was so stressed out! I hadn't picked out any music for the reception and couldn't decide on our first dance song. I spent the night down in Mapleton with my parents and spent the night trying to find just the right music. Well I finally found it and then I couldn't get my Ipod to connect to my computer. Luckily I have an amazing brother who was still awake and helped me figure it out. By this time it's midnight and I have to get up in 3 1/2 hours so I decided it would be smart to go to bed. But could I sleep??? Of course not!! I got about 1 1/2 hours of sleep that night. Luckily there was enough adrenaline to keep me going all day!!

So that morning my hair appointment is at 6 am and we have to stop at my apartment first because I forgot my dress. I just barely started down the road when I see a spider in my car!!!!!! I slam on the brakes, and start running down the street yelling for my mom. Luckily we are in Mapleton and it's like 4:30 in the morning so I'm not afraid of getting hit by any cars... just that I would wake up the neighbors. But I didn't really care because it is my wedding day and I need to get to my hair appointment but how am I supposed to drive when there's a spider in my car???? Oh good heavens... Eventually my mom convinced me to get in the car and drive. I couldn't see the spider again until I was getting off the freeway, but I tried really hard not to freak out and made it to my apartment without crashing.

Anyway, despite running a little bit late, and the spider fiasco, the ceremony was absolutely beautiful. It was so great being sealed to the love of my life for all eternity in the Salt Lake Temple. And it was nice that the most important part of the day was absolutely perfect and knowing that nothing else really matters. We were running kind of early by then so I took my sweet time getting ready and pampered. I was a little bit worried about my dress because the night before I tried it on and it wouldn't zip up!!! But that morning I sucked in like my life depended on it and it zipped up right away! Taking pictures was fun and I can't wait to see them. It started to rain on us a little bit so we went inside to wait it out a little, but it just got worse but we had some pictures that we still had to get. So we got an umbrella and went for a little run in the rain. I was laughing so hard the entire time. It was great!

The luncheon was absolutely perfect and so much fun to just relax. We had it at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building and I don't think I would change a thing. Except maybe when my dad announced to ALL the guests that Brendan was helping me change... That was extremely embarrassing!! But it was so great to feel so much love from our friends and family.

Then we were off to the state capitol!! No time to waste! The reception was gorgeous!! I am so grateful for everyone who helped us make it perfect! I didn't have to worry about a thing! It was fun taking pictures and talking to everyone who came to support us. Then came time to cut the cake... I knew Brendan was going to shove it in my face and I told him not to get it in my hair, on my dress, or ruin my makeup. So we cut the cake and as I bite down to eat the cake a few thoughts are running through my mind: "Why isn't he shoving it in my face?" and "Hmmm... this cake is kind of hard... I should bite down harder." Next thing I know, Brendan has this horrible look of pain on his face and is dropping the cake down my dress. I then realized that the hard thing that I just bit was not cake... it was Brendan's finger!!! Hahahahaha Oh man! I just bit him hard!! It was so funny for me... not so funny for him. It still makes me laugh just thinking about it. During the bouquet toss I attempted to secretly throw it to my little sister since she just needs to marry Steve already, but did she even try to catch it?? Of course not, she ran away from it. Oh Munchie... she's so funny. Brendan's favorite part of the night was the dancing. After the daddy/daughter dance and our first dance, we danced with all the nieces and nephews. It was a lot of fun!! My niece's favorite thing was when I sat down and she spun me around. It was really cute. I seriously could not have asked for a better wedding day. Brendan and I were so happy with how it turned out. All I wanted was to feel like a princess. Mission accomplished.

Right before the biting of the finger

YAY!!! We're married!!!!

The bouquet toss

I love this man!!!

Planning, Planning, and More Planning!

I knew that planning a wedding was a lot of work, but I didn't realize just how much work it really was! I am constantly working on wedding stuff. Somethings are more fun than others, but this only happens once so I'm trying to enjoy it.

The most stressful things for me so far have been the registry and the invitations. Deciding what I want was so hard!! I hope I made some good decisions. And I will be able to relax a little bit once the invitations have been sent out... Hopefully that will be sooner rather than later!!

The fun things for me have been picking out my gorgeous wedding dress! Seriously, it's absolutely perfect!! I've also had so much fun finding an apartment for us to live in. It was really stressful at first because we couldn't find anything, but we found the cutest little apartment and I am so excited about it!! I told Brendan last night that I am so excited to make it our cute little home. He moves in this weekend and I cannot wait! I am also in love with our engagement pictures! Cutest couple ever award! I was really stressed about them but they are everything I have ever dreamed of and more. Another fun thing for me has been where we're going to have our reception. It is going to be at the State Capitol in the rotunda. Can you say perfection??? I am going to have my dream wedding. No doubt about that. Of course the thing I'm most excited about is being sealed together in the temple. If that was the only thing we had, I would be the happiest girl in the world. I am so excited to be with my best friend forever and to see where this journey will take us.

So that's what I've been doing all summer. It has been an incredible experience so far. Only 38 more days to go!! I'm going to try to make the most of them.

Engaged!!!!!

This little life of mine is going to become this little life of ours!! On June 22, 2013 Brendan Clary proposed to me! I am the happiest girl in the world! He is the love of my life and I can't think of anyone who would be better for me to marry.

Let me start at the beginning. One day in December of 2011 I get a text from one of my students saying that another one of my students had found my future husband. I'm, of course, thinking well that's great, saves me a lot of work (little did I know it would actually take a lot of work!). Anyway I find out that my student, Savannah, had had a very handsome, funny, and amazing substitute in seminary that day who she felt would be perfect for me. I kept joking with her and asking her when I was going to meet my future husband. In February she finally got my number to the secretary of her seminary and the secretary called Brendan and told him about what was going on. That night I got a message from him on Facebook asking if I would want to go to lunch sometime. We agreed to meet on Saturday and go to Subway. I am a little bit skeptical about getting set up, especially when the person setting us up doesn't even know the guy, but I figured you can't really go wrong with a seminary teacher. So we met and talked for a couple of hours and agreed to go on another date the next weekend. After that date, I was on cloud 9. I could not stop smiling and I was already falling in love. Well we just started going on a lot of dates and talking to each other on the phone for hours. I realized that Brendan wasn't perfect, but he was about as close as it gets. I was just dying to be his girlfriend, but sadly it didn't happen...

In June, I was getting a little restless with the whole situation so I finally just asked him what was going on. He said that he just wanted to be friends. Stab in the heart. But I was still crazy about him so I would rather have him just be my friend than have him out of my life completely so we still hung out all the time and talked all the time. I got the privilege of hearing about the great dates he was going on and I was really just hating my life at that point. I was going on dates with other guys but no one compared to Brendan. But I was determined to get over him because I knew nothing would ever happen.

So this continued on until October 23. We were just friends and it was miserable for me. Then I get a text this morning from Brendan asking if I wanted to go on a breakfast date. I was ecstatic! I was thinking that he wanted to keep going on dates again!! YAY!!!!! So we go to breakfast and then he suggests we take a walk in the park. I knew something was up because you don't just go for walks in the park... It was there that he asked me to be his girlfriend! The day I had been waiting 7 1/2 months for was finally here! So we started dating.

Our dating life was definitely not easy. We enjoyed each other and we laughed and we played, but I also cried, a lot... I am the biggest bawl baby in the world! You see, Brendan had major issues with the whole marriage thing. I honestly thought that we wouldn't get engaged for another year or so. Then came June 22...

On June 22, 2013, Brendan and I drove up to Park City and went to some art galleries. While we were up there we passed a jewelry store and I made some joke about wanting to go look at rings. He acted the way he always did when I brought up marriage, he just brushed it off and told me that I was going on a mission. On the way home, we started talking about marriage in general, but not about us getting married. We never ever talked about us getting married. Then he took me to Red Robin, one of my favorites!!, and then we went on a hike. I thought to myself that it would be so cute if he proposed on our hike, but I immediately pushed that thought out of my mind because I knew it wouldn't happen. We got to the trailhead at sunset and then started our hike. We were starting down and saw some big rocks and I suggested that we sit on them because I kind of wanted to have a romantic moment and talk about feelings. As we were sitting on these boulders, Brendan said "This might be a little bit cheesy, but I brought some candles for us." I thought it was so cute!! Unfortunately, the wind was blowing out the candles. So we had to look for somewhere else. We found a few rocks that were a little more sheltered just off the trail. We set up our blanket and started lighting the candles. There were so many candles! It was just beautiful and absolutely perfect. But then our perfect night got really scary really fast. All of a sudden we hear something running towards us, crashing through the brush. Please note that it is pitch black and nobody else is really up there. Brendan shines our flashlight towards the noise and he saw two glowing eyes looking at him. I just about lost it. I was shaking and on the verge of tears. Brendan was trying to be manly and brave, but I later learned that he was terrified as well. We had no idea what kind of animal it was so of course our mind goes to the worst possibility, a mountain lion. Basically we're thinking that we are going to die. It was terrifying. Brendan started yelling to scare it away, but we never heard it leave so we were still really nervous. Brendan said a prayer that we would be safe and calm. He then asked if I wanted to leave. I kind of did, but I wanted to enjoy our candles so I decided that we would be ok and we should stay (probably the best decision of my life). We start talking about some of our favorite moments that we shared together and Brendan shared some things that he had never told me before (I don't know if he wants me to publish them to the whole world). It was really sweet. Then he pulled out a card that he had written. This needs a little back story... I am scared of everything. So we would go on Fear Factor dates and I would have to do things that scared me. I always teased Brendan that his Fear Factor date would be to proposed to me because that was the only thing he was scared of. Anyway, he pulls out this card that says Fear Factor on it and on the inside it listed all of the scary things I had done. At the bottom it said something about how I had helped him not be scared of marriage and it was time for him to do a Fear Factor date. I was kind of in a state of shock and I couldn't exactly figure out what was going on. So he told me that I might want to stand up. I did and he proposed!!! I started bawling like a baby and I was trying to figure out if it was real or not. Then I finished reading the card. He had listed about 70 reasons he wasn't scared of marrying me. It was the sweetest thing in the world!

So that's our Fear Factor proposal. It was absolutely perfect! Well I might get rid of the part where we thought we were going to die, but it really is one of my favorite parts now. It totally fit in with our Fear Factor theme. I am so happy to be getting married to my best friend and the greatest man I know. I love you Brendan Clary!!!

Recital Time!

It's that time of year again!! Recital day is so extremely stressful! I feel like my dances are never quite where I want them to be, but there's not much I can do about it once recital day is here. Today is the last one for the year and I've already been through 2 others. They both went really well! I'm always so proud of my students and what they have accomplished.

I feel like the recital today is the big kahuna. Probably because it's the most professional and because it is for the studio that I grew up at. I kind of feel like I need to prove myself; that I need to show that I'm not a student anymore, but a teacher. Also, it's very nerve wrecking having all of these other teachers that I respect and admire watching my work. I feel very inadequate at times. However, they are always so complimentary and only have kind things to say about my dances. I'm a nervous wreck for about a week leading up to recital so it's nice to hear those encouraging words every now and then.

Despite all of my stressing about how I look, I care even more about how my students are feeling. If they love their dance and feel good doing it, that's what really matters at the end of the day. I had one mom come up to me during dress rehearsal and thank me for being her daughter's teacher. I just kind of brushed it off, but she was very persistent. She told me that her daughter's self-esteem and confidence had sky rocketed because of my class. She said that her daughter felt like I was more than just her teacher, I was her friend and that meant the world to her. It brings me to tears just thinking about it. This  is why I teach. It's so easy to get caught up in my student's technique and if they are growing as dancers, but what I really want is to influence my student's to become better people. I am so grateful that I was in a position this year to help this sweet young girl feel better about herself. I hope she remembers how special she is to me when tough times come. I truly love all of my students and I want to help them become amazing dancers and incredible people.

So here it comes, the big kahuna! After tonight, I can relax a little bit and gear up for next year's recital season. I know my students are going to perform wonderfully tonight! I am so proud of all of them for the dancers they are becoming and for learning to love themselves and to see themselves as I see them, beautiful children of our Father in Heaven. I love my job and I love my students!

2012

Well it's New Year's Eve so I've been thinking about everything that has happened to me in the last year. I just keep thinking that a year sure is a long time. I year ago I never could imagine where I would be or who I would know. It's been a great but hard year.

One of the biggest things that happened this year was I decided to take a little break from school. I know a lot of people don't agree with this decision, but I know that it was the right one for me. It was a hard decision to make, but I have never regretted it (except maybe when I hurt myself and I want Ron, the dance trainer, to fix me). I will be going back to school next fall. I'm nervous but I need to this.

I have moved a couple different times this year. It was definitely a headache and extremely stressful, but I'm glad for the experiences that I have had. I have had the opportunity to meet a lot of incredible people and they have all influenced me in some way. I have finally ended up in Holladay and I am very happy. I have 2 amazing roommates and my ward is fantastic!

I have been so blessed to work for some awesome people. I teach dance at 4 different places and I love it! I have some of the sweetest, cutest dancers. I love being a teacher. Probably the best thing about my job is being able to influence my students and be a good example for them. There are so many things that I can teach them besides dance. Another great thing about my job is when I see my students grow and succeed. There is something so special about watching their faces when they understand what I have been teaching them and they finally are able to do it. I love my job!!!

Last and certainly not least, I started dating the wonderful, handsome, charming Brendan Clary. He is honestly the most incredible man I have ever met and I feel so lucky everyday that I finally convinced him that I am girlfriend material. Every single day he helps me to become a better person. For those of you who know me really well you know there's something special about a guy who can get me to eat chicken and salmon and who knows what else. He is my very best friend and I so blessed to have him in my life. 

Well that pretty much sums up my 2012. It has been a fun year! I can't say that I have loved every minute of it, but I can say that I am grateful for the lessons that I have learned. I have grown so much this year and I feel closer to my Heavenly Father than ever before. I can't wait to see what 2013 holds for me!

We Will Always Remember

I have had so many thoughts today as I look back on the events of September 11, 2001. I was only 11 at the time, but I can remember how I felt that day. I remember laying in bed and listening to the news. I didn't understand at the time what was going on. After a while my mom came in and told us that someone was attacking America. It all made sense at that moment. The impossible was happening. I was eating breakfast as the towers fell. The feeling that day was eery. It was too quiet. I didn't feel like playing. I was so used to hearing airplanes fly over my head, but that day there weren't any and it was a horrible reminder of what had just happened. I was just a child. I didn't know about terrorists or hijacking or war. No child should. But that day I learned all about it. I was too young too fully comprehend what had just happened, but I knew it was evil.

One of the main thoughts on my mind today is that we never know when we will talk to our loved ones again. We should always let our family and friends know that we love them. I am definitely not the best at this, but I am trying to do better. You just never know what can happen.

Along with that, I am so grateful for the knowledge that I have that there is life after death. We will see our loved ones again. I can be with my family forever. This brings so much comfort. I wish with all my heart that everyone knew this. I wish that I could tell every soul about the glorious message of the restored gospel. Not only does the knowledge of life after death bring comfort, but we can bea comforted and our hearts can be healed through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

As I was thinking about the events of that day, I turned to the words of the prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley that he spoke in the General Conference in October one month after. His words bring comfort and remind us of what we need to be thinking about at this time. America is a blessed nation and will continue to be so as long as we put God first. I encourage everyone to read this talk.

Now we look back and remember those we lost and the impact that the events of that day had on all of us. We will never forget. The best way to remember them is to press forward in our lives and to live each day as best we can. Remember that our strength as a nation comes from putting God first. I know that as we do this, God will bless America.

Big Changes

Today I decided to move up to West Jordan. Since I'm not going to be going to school in the fall, I decided I wanted to be closer to where I work. I found I good apartment with nice roommates and decided to just go for it! It's a little bit scary to be out on your own, not really knowing what you're going to do, but I'm excited. I just keep telling myself that I have to grow up sometime and that there are a billion other people doing the same exact thing. I need to stop just waiting around for my life to begin. I need to make my life begin. This is just a little step in the right direction and I feel good about it. Here's to some big changes and a new adventure!

National Parks and a Solar Eclipse

My parents decided to take my sister and me down to Bryce Canyon and Zion's National Park to see the solar eclipse and to enjoy nature. First stop was Bryce Canyon. We hiked around for a little while and then went back to Ruby's Inn to watch the solar eclipse. It was really cool to watch! And we had fun taking goofy pictures of course.

Munchie was king of the world

I loved the hearts

And Munchie loved the buffalo

It was so bright!!

Solar Eclipse!

Mom wanted to do the sexy one...

Next we were off to Zion's! We did several easy hikes around the park. My favorites were the Weeping Rock and the Riverside Walk. The Riverside Walk takes you to the mouth of the Narrows and Munchie was dying to see it. When we were about halfway there, my injured foot started to hurt so I decided to stop and just soak my feet in the river as my family kept going. It was so pretty and the water felt so good on my feet. Not to mention it was about 100 degrees outside and so finding a nice spot in the shade was exactly what I needed. We didn't do Angel's Landing or the Narrows. I don't think I could ever do either of them because of my extreme fear of heights and claustrophobia. It's too bad because I'm sure the sight is beautiful!

The Court of the Patriarchs: Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. With Moroni in front of Jacob. I wonder what people who aren't LDS think of all these names when they visit.

Just doing some exploring

The Weeping Rock

Mom and Dad in the shady spot by the river

After soaking my feet, I felt good enough to dance!

We saw lots of wildlife: Birds, lizards, squirrels, and deer

Zion's is absolutely beautiful. I want to go back, but maybe on a cooler day. We spent the night laughing our heads off in St. George. On our last day, we went back to Zion's and watched 2 short movies on the IMAX screen. One of them was just weird and I had no idea what was going on the entire time. The other was one that my dad and I have been wanting to see. It's called Tornado Alley. We wanted to see it because we love the show Storm Chasers and it's about the making of the movie. Yeah, we're nerds... Overall it was a nice little vacation!

Good, Better, Best

The past month has been kind of crazy, but I have learned a lot. I have learned that if I try to make things happen that it usually does not work out the way that I want it. I have learned to put my trust in my Heavenly Father and allow Him to guide my life. I know He will not make decisions for me, but if I listen to His council, I will helped in making the choice that is best for me. Some of the decisions I have had to make have not been easy. It can be really hard to give up something good for something better and even harder to give up something better for the best thing. I love this quote from Elder Oaks, "As we consider various choices, we should remember that it is not enough that something is good. Other choices are better, and still others are best. Even though a particular choice is more costly, its far greater value may make it the best choice of all." That last part really speaks to me at this time in my life. I know that I am doing my Heavenly Father's will and even though it's hard, it will all be worth it in the end. I am so happy right now and I am being so blessed because I have chosen to do what Heavenly Father knows is right for me instead of what I want to be right.

Happy Holidays!

I just realized that I completely skipped over Halloween in my blogging! Halloween was the best! Me, Seth, and Seth's roommate Sean dressed up as Little Bo Peep and her lost sheep. We went to Seth's ward's Halloween party and we won the costume contest!! Then we went to a dance that another ward was having. Seth and Sean would go hide from me and start baaing and I would go try to find them. Everybody loved it! Anyway it was so much fun and definitely the best Halloween I have ever had!

Seth surprised me with Thriller tickets

Carving Pumpkins!

Making pumpkin seeds

 

Little Bo Peep and her lost sheep

After all the partying so we're kind of frumpy looking.

Christmas was so much fun as well. I still made Munchie and my parents get up early and open our presents. I  got some really cute clothes and a few other things. Then after church my brothers and their familys both came down. It was so much fun watching the little kids play with their toys. We spent the day laughing and playing games.

Connor playing with Carter's toy car

Carter!

Connor and Millie reading books and opening presents

Munchie, Connor, and Millie sword fighting

Johnny and Mikey sword fighting

Me and Carter in front of the Christmas tree

Connor did not want to sit still for a picture

Connor and Grandpa

Carter and Munchie

Mom, the baby whisperer, calming Carter down

For New Year's Eve, I went up to Centerville and hung out with Seth and his family and his friends. It was so much fun to see everybody again! I got to see his niece, Kate. She is just a few weeks old and simply adorable! We played games with his friends and just had a really great time!

Next holiday was my birthday! I turned 22 years old. I'm getting old... But 22 is my lucky number so hopefully this year is the absolute best! My entire family came down for my birthday and we went to dinner and Red Robin. I love my birthday!

Millie dumped the box of cheerios out and then said "I did it!"